My testimony

Written 10/2/06

I have spent all my life going to church and living in a home where I get told the gospel a lot. My parents consistently taught me the good news of Jesus Christ, and did what they could to try to turn me to Christ. When I was really little (about 4-7), I had no interest whatsoever in Christ or His good news. I was very hard-hearted and did not want to read the scriptures or hear about God, and even dreaded church, Bible studies, and family worship because I thought they were boring! When I was in the ages from 8-14, I had a fluctuating interest in God. Sometimes I would have no interest. But then there were other times when the Lord convicted me and I would really want to study his scriptures and learn more about Him. Sometimes I would even cry at night because I wanted to become a Christian so bad, but didn't quite understand how to become one, and didn't understand why Jesus had to die. I did go to my Dad a couple of times when I was 8 or 9, to talk to him about salvation, but I really didn't have a deep-down desire to glorify God in my life. All I wanted was to be rescued from Hell because I knew I was going there if I wasn‘t a Christian. I was afraid of death and/or Christ's judgment, whichever came first. But eventually, those convictions would go away and I would continue to live in sin. Sadly, when I was 10-14, I became too shy to talk to my dad about salvation. But I still had an on-and-off interest in God (unfortunately, more off than on).

The turning point for me was the Youth Camp (SBFYC) that I attended this summer. Those few days were so full of learning about God! I attended four sermons/seminars a day, and it all just built up. On the very last night, at the end of the last sermon of the whole camp, the speaker (Steve Camp) presented a call to Christ . I don't know what was so different about it because I had heard the gospel hundreds of times in my life. But right then and there, the Holy Spirit penetrated my heart and I cried and poured out my heart to God for the first time in true faith. By His grace alone, I accepted Him as Lord of my life. The Lord opened my blind eyes and caused me to see that I was a wretched sinner, deserving of God's wrath and judgment. But right then, I realized for the first time why Jesus had to die! God poured out the wrath that was meant for my sins on Jesus! He shed His perfect, precious blood so that I might receive the hope of eternal salvation! Christ's perfect obedience and love for sinners made Him the perfect sacrifice. I also had an urging to glorify God in every single thing I did because he was so worthy of it! I realized that my Holy Savior was so great I just could not comprehend it and I wanted to be a servant to Him for the rest of my life.

At this point, this may sound odd, but I didn't know I was saved right then. (But looking back now, I see that it was at that time.) I knew something was changed in my life, but I didn't know it was true salvation. After the service that night, I couldn't get my mind off of it, but was too shy to talk to my camp leader about it. For several weeks after camp, the Lord caused me to think about Him constantly. Since I didn't know I was saved at the time, I wanted to be become a Christian so bad; I had a much stronger feeling than I had ever had before! I studied the scriptures for guidance, prayed increasingly, and looked forward to Sundays so that I could worship God and learn more about Him. However, I just knew that I had to talk to somebody. Sadly, I was too shy to go to my parents, so I decided to write my Christian friend Bethany a long e-mail. I told her how I wasn't sure of my salvation and asked her for help. She listened well and gave me Bible verses and some encouraging words:
"The Bible says that you are saved by faith (Galatians 2:16). So if you have faith in God and really believe that Christ died for your sins on the cross, then you are saved. But if you're still not sure, today is the day of salvation!"
When I read that, that's when it hit me. I realized something major that I had been missing! When someone is saved, they are saved by faith alone! It is not a feeling. Before, I had always thought that when someone was saved, they felt all "enlightened" and felt completely changed and were all perfect. I was so wrong! Salvation is by faith alone! It's not a feeling; it's a belief in the redeeming blood of Christ alone and nothing of my own doing. Once I realized that, I was so joyful, thankful, and excited! I was a new creature in Christ!

In that same e-mail, Bethany encouraged me to tell my parents about what I told her. I knew that I had to, but I didn't know how or when. (This was about the middle of August this year.) So I decided that writing my parents a letter would be the easiest way. Once I finally got the letter done (it took me a few tries), I gave it to my mom one night and once they read it, my mom said they would like to talk to me. When I went in there, I didn't say a word, but I just broke into tears of joy on my mom's shoulder, then my dad's, then we talked for a little bit.
In conclusion, I now realize that I am now a born-again believer. I have been striving with the help of the Holy Spirit to bring God glory in everything because I am unable to do any good on my own. I am so weak, yet I am trying to be obedient on the short time I have on this earth. I want to advance His kingdom and I am looking forward to spending eternity with my Heavenly Father. I also have a new-found love and interest for the Bible and have been studying His Word more diligently and I pray and confess my sins daily. I praise God every day for rescuing me from His wrath and judgment and taking me as His own child!

Soli Deo Gloria!!!!